Date: 1 November 2011 01:43 (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I think the edition I read said that "natsu no yo no" is supposed to join up with "...akuru shinonome". So if you attempted to retain the structure exactly (well, comically overexactly) I suppose it would be "The summer night's heralded-by-a-single-cuckoo's-cry-just-as-one-thinks-of-going-to-bed dawn breaking."

I think the effect is pretty much as you describe re coming unstuck in time. I'm certainly confident that there's no way I picked up on that structure on my first read-through. (Also, "sureba", sorely?) --Matt
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As language practice, I like to translate poetry. My current project is Chinese, with practice focused on Tang Dynasty poetry. Previously this was classical Japanese, most recently working through the Kokinshu anthology (archived here). Suggestions, corrections, and questions always welcome.

There's also original pomes in the journal archives.

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