Larry's Pretty Good Poetry Journal

That first part may indeed by a YMMV;* for the second, I struggled a bit to capture what, exactly, is being borrowed -- as you say, it really is the soaking wetness (the implied nominalizer for hitsu carried by the case-marking o), but put in literal English, it sounded really odd: "the sleeves of my robe are soaking wet: do borrow that!" in the current schema. Directly offering the tears, though, would be too direct, and the whole point, it seems to me, is to be culturedly indirect. Thus my choice of offering the sleeves. This may not be defensible.

I'm pleased with the c/c/c/s/s, though I worry that the first part comes at the expense of flabby line breaks, but I confess I hadn't consciously noticed the r/b/b/r part of the pattern. Thanks.

* Though I suppose both interpretations can be encompassed with "aren't to be seen."

---L.