A Lodge in the Bamboo, Wang Wei (Tang Shi #225)
Saturday, 18 May 2019 20:39![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lnhammerAlone in a secluded bamboo grove,
I play the qin, repeatedly sigh.
Deep forest, no one can see:
The bright moon comes — together we shine.
竹里馆
独坐幽篁里，
弹琴复长啸。
深林人不知，
明月来相照。
Language fumbling: I’m not at all clear whether “together” (相) modifies the shining (照) as rendered or is a compound with coming (来), giving something like “bright moon visits, shines.” Also, it may be a whistle instead of a sigh.
I’m still working out how to handle this stuff, but I’ve a hazy sense of what I want to prioritize in the way of form. I’d like match the original’s a) lines of equal length (though by what measure?) and b) make rhyming lines rhyme (here, a near miss with sigh and shine). If possible, make it tight, and also if possible in some way echo the in-line semantic groups (this one, the 5-character lines have a distinct 2-3 rhythm strong enough even I can see it). With more practice, maybe I can manage some of this. The original (like most that I’ve read so far) has no pronouns, but I’m not clear on whether that’s true ambiguity or poetic idiom or, as with Japanese, how the language worked at the time.
—L.
I play the qin, repeatedly sigh.
Deep forest, no one can see:
The bright moon comes — together we shine.
竹里馆
独坐幽篁里，
弹琴复长啸。
深林人不知，
明月来相照。
Language fumbling: I’m not at all clear whether “together” (相) modifies the shining (照) as rendered or is a compound with coming (来), giving something like “bright moon visits, shines.” Also, it may be a whistle instead of a sigh.
I’m still working out how to handle this stuff, but I’ve a hazy sense of what I want to prioritize in the way of form. I’d like match the original’s a) lines of equal length (though by what measure?) and b) make rhyming lines rhyme (here, a near miss with sigh and shine). If possible, make it tight, and also if possible in some way echo the in-line semantic groups (this one, the 5-character lines have a distinct 2-3 rhythm strong enough even I can see it). With more practice, maybe I can manage some of this. The original (like most that I’ve read so far) has no pronouns, but I’m not clear on whether that’s true ambiguity or poetic idiom or, as with Japanese, how the language worked at the time.
—L.
no subject
Date: 20 May 2019 16:57 (UTC)