Moonlit Night, Du Fu (Tang Shi #105)

[lnhammer]

Tonight the moon’s above Fuzhou—
She gazes in her quarters alone.
From far, I pity our small children
Who don’t know why she longs for Chang’an.
In the soft mist, her hair-bun’s wet;
In the clear light, her jade arm’s cold.
When shall we lean on a thin blind,
With moonlight drying both our tears?

月夜
今夜鄜州月，
闺中只独看。
遥怜小儿女，
未解忆长安。
香雾云鬟湿，
清辉玉臂寒。
双照泪痕干。

Written while imprisoned inside Chang’an during the An Lushan Rebellion, while his family was relatively safe in a small town to the north. Pronouns are omitted, so this can be read as either “she” or “you.” Mistranslations: the mist is literally “fragrant,” and the curtain is “empty” in the sense of being translucent/transparent. Also, “hair-bun” clunks to the floor with a thud: any suggestions? (The name is literally “cloud-chignon,” set in parallel to “jade arm.”)

(Yeah, look, I just wanted both to try another Du Fu and to try another 8-line poem. Don’t overthink it.)

—L.

Comments

[sovay]

(The name is literally “cloud-chignon,” set in parallel to “jade arm.”)

I think the phrases need to be in parallel, either both poetic or both mundane, because right now they actually clash with each other.

[lnhammer]

Agreed. I need to tinker a bit, and see what works best. (I like the idea of both poetic, given he's imagining it anyway, in contrast to the very real dangers he's experiencing.)

[sovay]

(I like the idea of both poetic, given he's imagining it anyway, in contrast to the very real dangers he's experiencing.)

That would be my preference. "Cloud-chignon" is such a great image.

[lnhammer]

I'm leaning towards "cloud-chignon" at the moment, but will tinker more later.

[swan_tower]

Cloud-hair? Doesn't get the actual bun/chignon in there, but it has the same rhythm.

[lnhammer]

"Cloud-hair" is too unclear, at least for me. Too hard to unpack into an image.

The rhythm, I can work with -- there's enough flex in the rest of the line.

[skygiants]

Would "bound hair" be too on the nose with the theme of imprisonment? Or, if you have room to play with syllables, "coiled hair" or "soft chignon"?

[lnhammer]

Ooo -- now that's a thought, bound hair. Coiled would be more imagistic, though, given that the style named has the hair piled up in loops.

(Hmm -- some commentaries understand the hair that gets wet as having escaped the 'do. Not sure how much to trust that idea anyway, but it would argue against bound. Hmm.)

[melita66]

Could that arise from the fact that the hair-dos used oil to help maintain them?

[lnhammer]

One commentary did understand the scent as coming from her hair. It's grammatically strained to apply the adjective to her hair, but that's not unusual for Du Fu.