Song of Resentment, Meng Jiao

[lnhammer]

Let’s test my lord’s and this one’s tears
By dripping them in our two ponds,
Then see when choosing lotus blooms
This year because of whose have died?

怨诗
试妾与君泪，
两处滴池水。
看取芙蓉花，
今年为谁死。

Yes, that "this year" is misplaced from the usual place for an adverb, but it's also misplaced in the original. Haven't found a way to reword it that moves it up without a really bad line break. Meh.

ETA
Later, when choosing lotus blooms,
We’ll see because of that whose died.

---L.

Comments

[lnhammer]

As a note on polishing, I'm leaning hard on the assonances and vowel progressions in general. In particular, I rejected a few wordings in order to make "died" the first instance of that vowel sound, which is especially jarring after the echo of "whose" with "choose" and "blooms."

[sartorias]

How do you get whose from 谁? Admittedly rank beginner here with an ear of total lead, but I would have seen that line as This year because (of those) who died.

[lnhammer]

谁 couldn't be used as a relative pronoun like that in Classical/Medieval Chinese -- there's only one relative pronoun, 所 which (though you can also create a relative clause with 之, but that's not a pronoun use). There is a possible "who" reading, but it comes out as something like "this year causes who to die?" -- which is, well, a terrible line.

Untangling that took two things: realizing that 今年 is an adverb of time that belongs with the previous line, displaced for poetic effect maybe idk, and recognizing this is a case of pronoun + noun acting as a possessive with the 之 (as happens all too often) dropped, much like in the modern language 的 is often dropped in phrases like 我妈妈.

[sartorias]

thanks for explaining! I can see how you got there. Decoding these poems is like working lapidary.

[llonkrebboj]

What a galaxy brained idea by writer Meng Jiao! I don't think I've encountered a resentment poem with a concept so creatively crafted. The bitterness drips from this, but it's also so funny!

Is this the Meng Jiao of Tang i.e. Han Yu's friend?

[lnhammer]

Yup -- that Meng Jiao. I love the conception, but the last two lines lurch in a clunky way, in the original.

[llonkrebboj]

A signature of old style poems is nonconformity to structure and regulated rhyme, so they do tend to roll off the tongue with some challenge!

Hope you don't mind me having some fun xD The vibes are cool for this one!

testing tears, mine and yours
in two places, dripped into ponds
just watch the lotus flowers -
this year, whose causes theirs to die?

[lnhammer]

:applause:

[mekare]

Thank you for the translation and the explanations in the comments!

[lnhammer]

Sure!